Internet Dating
Gone are the days when I could happily go out to a night club, get a little sloshed and pick up a new boyfriend. With the passing of my years, I have found that the drunken Pash leads to little more than the chewing off the arm syndrome on the following morning. Beer goggles tend to be a little more intense than they used to, either that or I am getting more desperate.
Nowadays, I like to actually talk to my prospective partners. So, in the search for that (elusive) life partner(or even three month partner), I have resorted to internet dating.
Now, I know that all of you beautiful people out there are laughing your arises off at this moment, but let me tell you, desperate times call for desperate measures.
So, I took the plunge and registered on a couple of sites. It is not exactly easy to find witty and interesting things to say about yourself, and find a photo of yourself that doesn't make you look like a drunken party girl, a straight laced, frigid freak, or a hooker. You start out by saying all the great things about yourself, then wonder what the hell you're gone write about for the next 98 lines.
Do you say that you are a talented, artistic woman that sings, and likes animals? Or does that come out like, you're a bit up yourself, smoke lots of pot, like to make a dick of yourself at karaoke, and have twenty cats?
Do you say that you are a professional woman, interested in politics, and not interested in anyone currently unemployed? Or does that come out like, you're a workaholic, like to argue the point about world hunger, and expect a diamond and a trip to Europe for each anniversary/birthday/christmas?
Do you say that you are down to earth, like cooking and quiet nights at home? or does that come out like you spend each weekend in trakkie daks, are going to be the little homemaker, and will do all their washing and ironing while you watch the telly on a Friday night while they are at the pub with their mates?
I agonized for hours over what to write in order to attract some halfway intelligent/easy on the eye/normal guy, when it didn't really matter!!
Without a photo, most men don't look twice at your profile, and if you happen to put up the photo of when you had your hair dyed blonde, you get twice as many hits.
It has occurred to me that all the men that cruise these sites are out for one thing. Not that that's all bad, but you wonder, after a few distasterous dates, if that handsome, rich, intelligent guy really exists outside of your imagination.
And MEN CAN'T READ ANYWAY!
I had my profile up there for a few weeks, and thought that maybe I wasn't being specific enough. I mean, DOESN'T WANT KIDS, YOURS OR MY OWN, didn't seem to make much of a difference. I got hits from guys that had their three kids from their previous marriage living at home, and wanted more.
And NO MARRIED GUYS! Doesn't mean a thing to the illiterate, two timing arseholes out there that want to have "discreet weekends away".
The half dozen times I actually met up with someone from the site was a real eye opener as well.
For one, at least when I put up a photo, it is a photo of me, and a recent photo at that. I know that a good photographer can really do wonders, but please? How do you gain three stone and twenty years in a couple of months?
I think that I have been on the shortest date in history. I met this guy, a real hunk actually, dark Mediterranean looks and bulging biceps. But then he opened his mouth. The guy was a bimbo! After two minutes of meaningless "so what do you do for a living?'', I came right out and said it.
"You're just in this for the sex, aren't you?"
His reply was, "Well, you live close by don't you? Let's go back to your place."
I gently thanked him for the invitation (to my place no less), got up and walked away.
He called me two days later!!!! A total bimbo.
Sadly, I haven't given up. I still have my profile out there in the hope that some worthy gentleman will read my truthful and direct testimony of my selfworth, and come screaming up on his motorcycle, take me to the pub for a counter meal and a few games of pool, ask if I would like to go to the Blues Club down the road, and sweep me off my feet!
Then I'll probably wake up and realise it was all a dream........
Nowadays, I like to actually talk to my prospective partners. So, in the search for that (elusive) life partner(or even three month partner), I have resorted to internet dating.
Now, I know that all of you beautiful people out there are laughing your arises off at this moment, but let me tell you, desperate times call for desperate measures.
So, I took the plunge and registered on a couple of sites. It is not exactly easy to find witty and interesting things to say about yourself, and find a photo of yourself that doesn't make you look like a drunken party girl, a straight laced, frigid freak, or a hooker. You start out by saying all the great things about yourself, then wonder what the hell you're gone write about for the next 98 lines.
Do you say that you are a talented, artistic woman that sings, and likes animals? Or does that come out like, you're a bit up yourself, smoke lots of pot, like to make a dick of yourself at karaoke, and have twenty cats?
Do you say that you are a professional woman, interested in politics, and not interested in anyone currently unemployed? Or does that come out like, you're a workaholic, like to argue the point about world hunger, and expect a diamond and a trip to Europe for each anniversary/birthday/christmas?
Do you say that you are down to earth, like cooking and quiet nights at home? or does that come out like you spend each weekend in trakkie daks, are going to be the little homemaker, and will do all their washing and ironing while you watch the telly on a Friday night while they are at the pub with their mates?
I agonized for hours over what to write in order to attract some halfway intelligent/easy on the eye/normal guy, when it didn't really matter!!
Without a photo, most men don't look twice at your profile, and if you happen to put up the photo of when you had your hair dyed blonde, you get twice as many hits.
It has occurred to me that all the men that cruise these sites are out for one thing. Not that that's all bad, but you wonder, after a few distasterous dates, if that handsome, rich, intelligent guy really exists outside of your imagination.
And MEN CAN'T READ ANYWAY!
I had my profile up there for a few weeks, and thought that maybe I wasn't being specific enough. I mean, DOESN'T WANT KIDS, YOURS OR MY OWN, didn't seem to make much of a difference. I got hits from guys that had their three kids from their previous marriage living at home, and wanted more.
And NO MARRIED GUYS! Doesn't mean a thing to the illiterate, two timing arseholes out there that want to have "discreet weekends away".
The half dozen times I actually met up with someone from the site was a real eye opener as well.
For one, at least when I put up a photo, it is a photo of me, and a recent photo at that. I know that a good photographer can really do wonders, but please? How do you gain three stone and twenty years in a couple of months?
I think that I have been on the shortest date in history. I met this guy, a real hunk actually, dark Mediterranean looks and bulging biceps. But then he opened his mouth. The guy was a bimbo! After two minutes of meaningless "so what do you do for a living?'', I came right out and said it.
"You're just in this for the sex, aren't you?"
His reply was, "Well, you live close by don't you? Let's go back to your place."
I gently thanked him for the invitation (to my place no less), got up and walked away.
He called me two days later!!!! A total bimbo.
Sadly, I haven't given up. I still have my profile out there in the hope that some worthy gentleman will read my truthful and direct testimony of my selfworth, and come screaming up on his motorcycle, take me to the pub for a counter meal and a few games of pool, ask if I would like to go to the Blues Club down the road, and sweep me off my feet!
Then I'll probably wake up and realise it was all a dream........
posted by Movin'on at 11:58 PM
2 Comments:
Don't give up on it just. There'll be a couple of cool guys out there who I'm sure would find you interesting and want to get to know you. Just don't think all guys are out for the sex. Ok, *most* of them will be, but there'll be the odd diamond in the rough. Somewhere...
You go girl! You are going to have some great stories from these dates, and everyone knows that a good story lasts longer than the nastiest of experiences.
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