I wake and feel the fell of night.....

I wish I could record my thoughts straight from my brain.
I have so many different ideas go through my head in the space of a minute that I can' t keep up.
I went out for an internet blind date, met for a drink mid-afternoon, with the cutest man. I so blew it. I am flaming with embarrassment. He was so nice!!!! I was so unattractive. I have to give up smoking.


I wake and feel the fell of dark, not day.
What hours, O what black hours we have spent
This night! what sights you, heart, saw; ways you went!
And more must, in yet longer light's delay.
With witness I speak this. But where I say
Hours I mean years, mean life. And my lament
Is cries countless, cries like dead letters sent
To dearest him that lives alas! away.
I am gall, I am heartburn. God's most deep decrees
Bitter would have me taste: my taste was me;
Bones built in me, flesh filled, blood brimmed the curse.
Selfyeast of spirit a dull dough sours. I see
The lost are like this, and their scourge to be
As I am mine, their sweating selves, but worse.

I identify with this poem. It touches me. I feel the same bleakness about me. I fel even more lost because I don't have any faith.

So excited, BDO tomorrow. Hate Melbourne's unpredictable weather. What to take? Heavy winter jacket cause it's likely to snow? AAaaaarghhh!
Just don't want to get sunburned. I hate being sunburned, so ugly and uncomfortable.
Really excited!!!!

So much to say, don't know how much I can reveal.

BDO. YAY!!! My first, and of course my most memorable!!!