I gotta get out of this place

I didn't get much sleep again last night. I'm not sure how I got to here, but it's not the best place to be. I don't know what's really happening to me. One day I feel like I can cope with anything, the next, I can hardly breathe and my heart feels like it's racing - only it's not - and I want to run away.
I don't know how anyone copes with feelings like these. Where is the person from yesterday? I thought I had it licked yesterday, I was on the mend, but today I'm a mess again. I'm going to try staying at someone elses tomorrow, and see if that helps. I want to be normal, no more waking up in a state of panic, not able to get back to sleep. I'm tired, so tired, and I just want to get some sleep.
I don't want to have to take drugs to sleep, I love sleep, I've managed some marathon efforts in my time. Don't take that away from me. Without sleep, I will turn to drugs and alcohol for escape, and that's what I've been trying to stop.
Maybe it's something else, maybe I really am sick, and the doctors will be able to find out what it is and cure me. Yeah, and pigs will grow wings and fly.
Is any of this helping me? Can I change? Will I change? What do I need to be able to change? Can I buy it? Can I just find it? What, and how does this happen?
I hate my life, and I hate me. Why would anything make me ever like myself? Other people don't like me, so why would I?