A new lease on life.....

All I've been doing lately is wallowing in my own self pity. I can't seem to see past my own misery to get on with life. Now, I could do the whole turn over a new leaf spiel here, and a couple of late New Years Resolutions - OK really late - OK, mid year - but I won't, because if I wrote them here, then someone is bound to ask me how it's all going, and I am going to feel so much like a loser again. I procrastinate so much. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?
I find it hard to get motivated. I go to the gym three night a week(I'm not good with the morning sessions) with a personal trainer, and there are only tow things motivating me to go there regularly. One is that I am not paying for it. If I miss a session, and don't give a full 12 hours notice, it has to be paid for. I get these sessions as a bonus from my boss, the gym is even in the building I work in. I have figured that to get out of work on time, and to get rid of most of my pent up anger, I make the sessions for 5:30pm. As the boss pays for these sessions, he can't argue when I dash out the door - "Going to the gym, bye" - because he knows he will end up paying for it if I don't make it there. I also don't have the either the number for the gym, or for the trainer, I can't call them and just cancel a session because I don't feel like it, or because I got on the piss and don't feel too healthy. But, number two, and the best motivation for the gym is not my (supposed) health benefits, nor is it the money that I know the boss(I think from now on I can definitely call him Big Brother Boss) is spending on them. My biggest motivation for the gym is that I can bench more than BBB, I can leg press more than BBB, and I get big biceps in a very short time which is the only reason BBB ever goes to the gym, and he's never had the slightest bulge. It's revenge, and if I never do anything else to surpass the perfection of BBB, I know that I am a chick, and I am a hell of a lot stronger than he is.
Hah!