The round about that I exist on............
From ten years ago.......
What am I doing?
I have done it again, gotten myself on that emotional roundabout where all that matters is that He calls.
I don't think that I'll ever learn. I hate myself for it too. I need to be needed. Need! Want! I can't live forever doing this to myself. Why did Nick have to die? How do I get off? My will to live seems to fade so quickly when I don't have a man. I will never learn, I hate myself. I hate being so fucking lonely, I hate knowing that I did this to myself. Why? What does it all mean? When do I find out? I am a sucker.
Can I get off? How can I be so rational about all this and not know how to get off?
He isn't coming back. You got sucked in again,. You fucking fool!
Do I go on hating myself or do I do something about it?
Do I let my heart
or my head?
I want to let my head
But am reluctant.
The joy and anticipation I feel
Is like an old friend
coming back to stay
And yet the knowledge of
Real life
Pain
Injustice
Solitude
loneliness
(Such a long way to fall
even though I am nearly at the bottom now)
Is a forbidding reminder.
Retreat, protect yourself.
Cool, nonchalant, hidden.
Don't invite it, beat it
At it's own game
Is it any wonder
That I'm lonely?
Yet not always alone.
Just look back now
You're sure to see
How all things happen
Naturally
You go where you like,
Sometimes you like where you go
But where you'll end up
Destiny knows
So when you've lost your way
And you're going through hell
Don't worry about it
You never can tell
Maybe it will
Maybe it won't
Whether you do
Or whether you don't
It's not your choice
Leave it all up to fate
It's all a game of chance
Anyone can play
Just wake up and smell the flowers
Every given day
You think that you know
Where you're gonna be
You've made your plans
All so carefully
But don't be sad
When in years to pass
If everything seems
To have gone too fast
What am I doing?
I have done it again, gotten myself on that emotional roundabout where all that matters is that He calls.
I don't think that I'll ever learn. I hate myself for it too. I need to be needed. Need! Want! I can't live forever doing this to myself. Why did Nick have to die? How do I get off? My will to live seems to fade so quickly when I don't have a man. I will never learn, I hate myself. I hate being so fucking lonely, I hate knowing that I did this to myself. Why? What does it all mean? When do I find out? I am a sucker.
Can I get off? How can I be so rational about all this and not know how to get off?
He isn't coming back. You got sucked in again,. You fucking fool!
Do I go on hating myself or do I do something about it?
Do I let my heart
or my head?
I want to let my head
But am reluctant.
The joy and anticipation I feel
Is like an old friend
coming back to stay
And yet the knowledge of
Real life
Pain
Injustice
Solitude
loneliness
(Such a long way to fall
even though I am nearly at the bottom now)
Is a forbidding reminder.
Retreat, protect yourself.
Cool, nonchalant, hidden.
Don't invite it, beat it
At it's own game
Is it any wonder
That I'm lonely?
Yet not always alone.
Just look back now
You're sure to see
How all things happen
Naturally
You go where you like,
Sometimes you like where you go
But where you'll end up
Destiny knows
So when you've lost your way
And you're going through hell
Don't worry about it
You never can tell
Maybe it will
Maybe it won't
Whether you do
Or whether you don't
It's not your choice
Leave it all up to fate
It's all a game of chance
Anyone can play
Just wake up and smell the flowers
Every given day
You think that you know
Where you're gonna be
You've made your plans
All so carefully
But don't be sad
When in years to pass
If everything seems
To have gone too fast
posted by Movin'on at 3:21 AM
3 Comments:
I wish I knew what to say, M.O. but I don't. So I'm just writing this to let you know I was here, and that I care...
Justing sending you cyber hugs. Ever read the tiny saying I have at the bottom of my blog? It says, "If the one you desire isn't interested, it's their loss. Don't make it yours." I know it doesn't help right now. Sometimes nice people aren't the right people...but that doesn't make us bad people.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Email me if you need to talk.
Hugs,
E
Sometimes the princes are frogs in really fucking good disguises. But don't close yourself off to possibilities, it may be really hard and it may really hurt sometimes but the other times are so wonderful that you shouldn't deprive yourself of them.
After all the sparkly times wouldn't be so sparkly if we didn't have something to compare them with.
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